From Hadassah Magazine;
by Sholom Aleichem translated by Curt Leviant
L’Shana Tova
Imagine,
every single one of them up to mr. big himself takes bribes. Don’t be
shocked now—he accepts them too, if he gets an offer. What’s that? You
don’t believe me? You’re all laughing, eh? Well, have fun…. Ready now?
Have you all laughed yourself dry? Now gather round me, brother Jews,
and listen to a story that happened a long time ago to none other than
my grandfather, may he rest in peace. It happened in the good old days
when Czar Nich was boss. Why’re you nudging me? What’re you scared of?
You think these peasants sitting here know what we’re jabbering about?
They won’t understand a word, blast them. I won’t be obvious and where
necessary I’ll throw in some Hebrew. Just pay close attention and don’t
interrupt me and everything will be fine.
To make a long story
short. it happened during the reign of our present Mr. Big’s
grandfather, after whom he’s named. Our fathers and grandfathers
couldn’t forget that old Mr. Big for all the fine and dandy things he
let loose against us. In short, their whole life
hung on a
thread. We existed by the grace of little Mr. Big, or Buttons, as we
called him, who ruled every shtetl. This Buttons liked to have his palms
greased and loved Friday-night gefilte fish and tumblers of whiskey. So
long as this went on the Jews breathed free and easy, did business,
plied their trades and had a wonderful time.
But once—and
whenever you hear but once, you know trouble’s coming—something
happened. Buttons kicked the bucket. He suddenly upped and dropped dead
and was followed by a new Buttons, a Haman, a villain, a rat, the likes
of which you’ve never seen! He just couldn’t be greased! They tried
bigger bribes. Still, no. They tried the real thing—big money. Still
nothing doing. He wouldn’t go for gefilte fish. They dropped hints about
rare liqueurs. He didn’t drink. Talk of being ethical! He was as clean
as a whistle! If you begged him, he stamped his foot, kicked you out on
your ear and then did things that just weren’t done. He gave summonses
and fines. Didn’t let Jews do business or let Jewish teachers teach. If
he saw a young woman, he’d rip off her marriage wig; a young man, he’d
snip off an earlock.
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Yom
Kippur--the Jewish Day of Atonement--is a fast day that follows Rosh
Hashanah. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are often called the High
Holidays. The holidays and the time in between them are known as the Ten
Days of Repentance.
